Crossroads Encounter

The best thing to do when you’re encountering crossroads, is to remain where you are. Then wait until you’re fully informed and ready for the next move.

This crossroads encounter has been going on in the middle of finalizing my composed songs. I was all set when some interesting ideas crept into my mind. I wasn’t really sure if my need to be in a new environment was actually to embark in another adventure.

Is moving to another state good for our future? It appears quite fascinating to be informed about the possibility of some good opportunities. Still it can be scary to live in a place where you have to start all over again — getting to know new people, making new friends, adapting with the weather and kind of lifestyle. I haven’t even completely learned how to adjust myself here. I find myself still depending so much on others. Perhaps this is why my inner self tends to claim that sense of independence — as I used to be. 

Probably staying means I’ll be stagnant and stuck with my daily routines. I wonder if there’s space to grow.  Going means freedom to explore but not without challenges to face — perhaps rougher ones. Fortunately I have ample of time to think and ponder. There’s no rush for the moment.

My desire to study more than a decade ago had acquired me two bachelor degrees each in language and art. I had years invested in studies and I thought that was it. I wanted to focus on something else more rewarding — something for me to give back to society. So, I now use a lot of my time for studying on my own. However that desire to learn in a tangible way crept into my heart. I picture all the years ahead that I will go through — God willing. I envision all the days, weeks, months and years spent in studies, working and contributing to society. For sure there will be no regret at all. The only thing that I worry about being too studious is the growing of more white hairs — more than I worry about the fees. Studying on my own is fun and free. Going to college will put myself under strict self-discipline but later will acquire me official transcripts to prove that I’m ‘somebody’. Either way, I still have time to think and ponder. There’s no rush for the moment.

As I was pondering to further my studies, I became overwhelmed with the types of courses being offered. I have always been fascinated with fashion and fairies. For a moment, I was thinking of pursuing my studies in fashion. Though I’ve already acquired a Bachelor Degree in Fashion Design, I wasn’t impressed with the result. But when I think about it, at least I had the experience and I just have to polish my performance in that field of art. Having this idea in mind, I intend to consider going back to fashion in my own creative way — within my own space and time.  I’m giving a serious thought about this and quite excited about it.

It’s always good to ask someone for an opinion though we’re not obliged to follow it. I asked Ivan if I should go back to college and what type of course should I take. I used to ask him if I should go for baking course. He didn’t have any objection. I pictured those cute cupcakes in a bakery shop. It looked so fun. Then, I started to go through the process of opening the shop. When everything was on paper, I found myself being overwhelmed by all the procedures and responsibilities including some risks to face. What started from a simple idea became a huge and complicated matter. After all the research and studies that I’ve done, I finally came to the conclusion that, it wasn’t what I wanted. I was just interested in seeing those colorful cakes because I love colors and they look tasty. Somehow, it didn’t end just like that. I sort of enjoy being able to indulge in baking cakes for our family members every birthday occasion. I enjoyed decorating the cakes and seeing the smiles on their faces.

I asked Ivan again of what type of course I should take. As usual he would always say, “Whatever you want.” But this time I was quite persistent, asking for the truth of his opinion. Then, he said with his eyes glittering — as I saw them, “Take music.” That’s it. I like the truth of such opinion. That was exactly what I wanted — I’ve been making my songs, singing and practicing my music all these while. Why should I ignore the opportunity to learn the skill from a prestigious college — just a few minutes away from home?

Now that I can see where I should be heading to, it helps me to prepare myself in many areas — where and how to get the financial, material and moral support I need. There’s always a warming up in everything before getting started. This is another adventure, hopefully to be in a new environment where things can be more exciting and interesting. However, it isn’t enough to be just becoming very enthusiastic about something new and being unable to calm down.  I believe that I have to bring any matter in life — a decision making in particular —  into contemplation. Again, I don’t have to rush — instead I need to be able to sit still and let myself be guided in my discernment — then be ready for the next move.