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Sunday, May 13, 2018

Fruitful Silence

It has been a month of silence here. It's because I'm enjoying traveling within my own epic story writing. My heart is restless until it's done. I need to focus on it each day. I have made it my priority. So, I just let go other things that are less important. I admit I'm quite a slow writer for being a perfectionist. But at the same time, I will accept my own limitations and be satisfied with the outcome. Till it's done ... 

Monday, April 16, 2018

Gratitude and Showers of Blessings

I just finished setting up my workspace and I hope to be more consistent in updating my sites and pages. This time I have better and well organized desk. I should be able to work more peacefully. Even though it's just a small space with few items, I've arranged it in a way that almost everything is reachable whenever I need something. I'm quite excited to continue pursuing the works of music and media which I have started almost two years ago, so often delayed by other activities and programs. The one thing I've learnt from past experiences is that to be always grateful. Grateful for having the moments to learn and create things. It's not so much about getting quickly into the end result but to appreciate every moment that I have and be thankful about it and just live a simple life showered with many blessings. 

Sunday, January 28, 2018

New Year 2018

I'm back again after a long break for about 3 months. I was away in my homeland Sabah. Guess, with all the festive programs of Christmas and family gatherings there was very little chance for me to get online. More so with internet wifi having network problem. Most of the time it happened due to rainy seasons which often accompanied by thunder & lightning. Apart from that, I had been very busy rearranging our family house. There was huge work to do. I got rid a lot of things from the house, sent some to recycle center & donated others. I managed to minimize my items to 12 smaller container boxes. I felt so relieved & lighter. Finally I was able to get rid a lot of things which I didn't really need. Still I'm hoping that one day I could reduce them to just 5 boxes. 


This year my resolution will be simpler & I'll go more casual. I used to write like I was writing for a newsletter or newspaper because I was concern about my students. They wanted to learn English for their exams. Now that I'm no longer with them, I prefer to be more direct & precise. I will deal with my own imperfection & limitation easily. I guess, part of this is for me to face the aging process. As we age day by day, we should learn how to let go of things especially those that are making us short-tempered & impatient. Honestly, I don't want to grow old being cranky or taking tranquilizer pills. I always believe in spending some quite time or silence to get peace of mind & heart. Decluttering helps me to relax my mind & body. Knowing this positive effect also helps me to be aware of any false desire which leads to being trapped in limited time & space. I'm sure everybody wants the freedom to move and the best way is to let go. 


Saturday, September 16, 2017

Dividing My Time

It took me about three weeks to do the 7 minutes video recapture of our cultural gathering. 
I had been juggling between some projects and personal duties. I’ve never been so occupied like this before. I’m in total control of my own time. I have no one to ask me what to do. While making music and videos is very much time consuming, you just don’t want to be interrupted. But, there are times interruptions do help to make us less selfish. So, I won’t say that I’m working too hard on one particular project but I’m trying to make time for every other important thing in life. I need to divide my time for others and myself. A good sleep and rest definitely has to be in the daily schedule. I do admit that I sometimes disobey this little rule like forcing myself through the night checking on the computer or cellphone. How important it is to listen to our body and senses. I shouldn’t go beyond the red light!!

Monday, July 3, 2017

Music EP

I would say that the painful process of doing my songs’ EP album is like delivery labor and raising a child. Not to mention the times when I get sick, am having a cold, sore throat and cough. For the moment, it’s more proper for me to choose and carry out what should be handled first. My four composed original songs which have been recorded at home will remain where they are. I prefer to go for the pro recordings and that will touch some matters on financial. I’ll have to wait for the right time to put these songs into good hands. Meanwhile, I’m trying to come up with a mix of half acapella and digital music which will foreshadow these songs. This too will take time, hoping that it will aid the fund for the pro recordings.


Whenever we cross a road, we'll have to stop and make sure that it's safe to do so. Everything will have to go through a process. So, it takes great faith and patience to wait.

"Everything comes to those who wait — if they work while they wait."

Friday, June 23, 2017

A Visit To Oregon

It has been a while since my last post. Having to do most of the things on my own at the moment, I admit that my time is very limited to put some updates right away. I do feel guilty seeing notifications of views on my page. Somehow, I just couldn’t drop by to write and post something. I should consider posting shorter updates more regularly than occasionally lengthy ones. 

Wonderful things had happened within the gaps though and one of them was a two-week visit to Oregon. I had a free tour and owe a big ‘thank you’ to a couple friends who made it possible for me to visit those extraordinarily beautiful places. It was part of the dream come true since the last few months — those times when I needed to take a break and breathe on fresh air of nature. Oregon is the best place. The wild beauty of the green forest is exactly like the ones I picture in fairy-tale stories. Obviously, some of these areas have become favorite locations for filmmakers — among others the recent famous ‘Twilight’.  Standing there seemed to overflow my mind with ideas to write a fairy-inspired fiction. 






The enchanting Japanese garden is just a perfect garden for me to take as examples — how I would like a backyard to be, in our family home in Sabah. The bamboos planted in such a way that is so creative and very well-organised remind me of our own Sabah bamboos. Somehow they just bring to me the sense of tranquillity and peace. I would like to have bamboo plants in my home. I picture how I want a corner of my apartment to be — simpler and tropical inspired. 























Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Crossroads Encounter


The best thing to do when you’re encountering crossroads, is to remain where you are. Then wait until you’re fully informed and ready for the next move.

This crossroads encounter has been going on in the middle of finalizing my composed songs. I was all set when some interesting ideas crept into my mind. I wasn’t really sure if my need to be in a new environment was actually to embark in another adventure.

Is moving to another state good for our future? It appears quite fascinating to be informed about the possibility of some good opportunities. Still it can be scary to live in a place where you have to start all over again — getting to know new people, making new friends, adapting with the weather and kind of lifestyle. I haven’t even completely learned how to adjust myself here. I find myself still depending so much on others. Perhaps this is why my inner self tends to claim that sense of independence — as I used to be. 

Probably staying means I’ll be stagnant and stuck with my daily routines. I wonder if there’s space to grow.  Going means freedom to explore but not without challenges to face — perhaps rougher ones. Fortunately I have ample of time to think and ponder. There’s no rush for the moment.

My desire to study more than a decade ago had acquired me two bachelor degrees each in language and art. I had years invested in studies and I thought that was it. I wanted to focus on something else more rewarding — something for me to give back to society. So, I now use a lot of my time for studying on my own. However that desire to learn in a tangible way crept into my heart. I picture all the years ahead that I will go through — God willing. I envision all the days, weeks, months and years spent in studies, working and contributing to society. For sure there will be no regret at all. The only thing that I worry about being too studious is the growing of more white hairs — more than I worry about the fees. Studying on my own is fun and free. Going to college will put myself under strict self-discipline but later will acquire me official transcripts to prove that I’m ‘somebody’. Either way, I still have time to think and ponder. There’s no rush for the moment.

As I was pondering to further my studies, I became overwhelmed with the types of courses being offered. I have always been fascinated with fashion and fairies. For a moment, I was thinking of pursuing my studies in fashion. Though I’ve already acquired a Bachelor Degree in Fashion Design, I wasn’t impressed with the result. But when I think about it, at least I had the experience and I just have to polish my performance in that field of art. Having this idea in mind, I intend to consider going back to fashion in my own creative way — within my own space and time.  I’m giving a serious thought about this and quite excited about it.





It’s always good to ask someone for an opinion though we’re not obliged to follow it. I asked Ivan if I should go back to college and what type of course should I take. I used to ask him if I should go for baking course. He didn’t have any objection. I pictured those cute cupcakes in a bakery shop. It looked so fun. Then, I started to go through the process of opening the shop. When everything was on paper, I found myself being overwhelmed by all the procedures and responsibilities including some risks to face. What started from a simple idea became a huge and complicated matter. After all the research and studies that I’ve done, I finally came to the conclusion that, it wasn’t what I wanted. I was just interested in seeing those colorful cakes because I love colors and they look tasty. Somehow, it didn’t end just like that. I sort of enjoy being able to indulge in baking cakes for our family members every birthday occasion. I enjoyed decorating the cakes and seeing the smiles on their faces.

I asked Ivan again of what type of course I should take. As usual he would always say, “Whatever you want.” But this time I was quite persistent, asking for the truth of his opinion. Then, he said with his eyes glittering — as I saw them, “Take music.” That’s it. I like the truth of such opinion. That was exactly what I wanted I’ve been making my songs, singing and practicing my music all these while. Why should I ignore the opportunity to learn the skill from a prestigious college just a few minutes away from home?

Now that I can see where I should be heading to, it helps me to prepare myself in many areas — where and how to get the financial, material and moral support I need. There’s always a warming up in everything before getting started. This is another adventure, hopefully to be in a new environment where things can be more exciting and interesting. However, it isn’t enough to be just becoming very enthusiastic about something new and being unable to calm down.  I believe that I have to bring any matter in life — a decision making in particular —  into contemplation. Again, I don’t have to rush — instead I need to be able to sit still and let myself be guided in my discernment  then be ready for the next move.