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Showing posts with label Family Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Life. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

A Tribute to a Brother In-Law


Eddmon Oswald (1970 - 2022)

(Explained in the context of my faith)

I woke up around 5a.m  (USA central time) on Sunday, March 27, 2022. It was sort of peculiar for me to see rows of miscalls on my phone and those were from my mom and others from my Whatsapp family group. My natural tendency was of course to call her back in haste. While my mom was on the other side of the phone, she asked me in a very calm tone if I had known it already — her tone made me even more nervous and I kept asking “What is it? What is it? “ …  “Eddmon.” My mom said. “Why? Why? What about him?” I began to shake and was at the same time feeling a little dizzy from waking up. “He’s gone.” She explained very briefly.

I didn’t ask yet when or how it happened. My emotion burst out with deep cries from my heart and flowing tears from my eyes. How could it be the brother in-law that I knew — soft-spoken and of little words, diligent and firm in action, gifted and talented in many ways, very loving father and husband — for 21 years as a brother in-law, I never had any trouble with — and now he’s gone just like that, without a farewell word, not even a gesture. Then, in my tears, I gazed on the faces of the little ones he left behind. My mind tried to digest the situation and I believe because of my spiritual endeavor, my heart became  nonjudgmental.

My mom stayed silent until I could speak.

Those miscalls I saw was made on Sunday, March 27, 2022, around 2:24 a.m. (USA Central Time) while in Malaysia it was around 3:24 p.m. on the same day. How did it happen?

As narrated by my sister:

Everyone seemed waking up earlier than usual on that particular Sunday morning on March 27, 2022. My sister was supposed to go to work overtime in her office but somehow decided not to. Eddmon also had his day off on that day in which he usually had to go to work. Since it was still early and everyone was awake, my sister asked everyone if they could get ready for the 8:00 a.m. live-stream celebration of Holy Mass held by St. Francis Xavier’s Catholic Church of the Diocese of Keningau in Sabah.

They finished participating in the Holy Mass at around 9:00 a.m. which then followed by breakfast. As my sister had mentioned occasionally that she needed help to clean up the backyard — grasses needed cutting and flower pots needed to be rearranged — Eddmon decided to do that on that day and so both of them spent sometime in the backyard.  In between, they went in and out of the house while chatting over things and trivial matters. It was an easy going Sunday for both of them — for being able to spend some time together doing something for the house.

By around 2:00 p.m. both of them had returned to the dining area in the kitchen. By then Eddmon had already washed his face. Both of them were already seated by the dining table. My sister was still chatting with him but wasn’t directly looking at him while preparing a drink. All of a sudden, Eddmon’s hand knocked on a glass cup and it fell on the floor and was broken to pieces. My sister thinking that he did it purposely thought that he was probably mad, uttered “why did you knock the glass?”

She saw in an instant that he was about to fall from the chair. She immediately caught him. He fell in her arms, breathed briefly and turned unconscious. My sister was shaken and in between tears and calling out his name she invoked the name of Jesus and Mary. She shouted for help, calling and asking her fourteen year old daughter to bring a scapular and the Holy Water. She put the scapular around his neck and wiped him with the Holy Water. She asked her daughter to hold her dad tight who was seated unconscious on the chair. Crying nervously she immediately held him tight while my sister rushed to the neighbour next door asking for help. But the neighbour was in the shower and my sister could only tell his little child to let him know. My sister went back and forth checking on Eddmon in her daughter’s embrace, while calling her in-laws and family members and getting some papers ready for the hospital.

My sister’s sister in-law had called the hospital and an ambulance was on its way. By then, her brother in-law and the neighbour came into the house, went right away to the kitchen dining area where Eddmon was, held tight by his daughter. They took him and laid him in the living room. The neighbour attempted a CPR on him but he didn't respond. When the ambulance arrived, a nurse and an attendant rushed in and did the checking and CPR procedures on him. Things weren't well and he had to be sent to the hospital right away. So, they took him into the ambulance, in full sight of the six and twelve year old little ones at home. My sister went into the ambulance with them. Could anyone imagine how she was coping with the situation ... . The medical personnels kept trying to save him, they way they knew how.

As soon as they arrived at the hospital, they rushed him to the ER. Few moments later the doctor came out and told my sister that they had tried their best but things weren’t good. He was pronounced gone. They believed he had gone while he was still at home. The doctor asked her to start calling on family members. He allowed her to go and see Eddmon's body laid in the room. My sister went and was there alone. His face had been covered. My sister opened the cover and looked at his face. She said his face was calm as if he was sleeping. Sobbing and praying she kissed his head several times. She wiped his face with her hands while mentioning things about their family and the children. She did whatever she could. She told him that Jesus loved him more. She couldn’t tell for how long had she been sobbing there. She said it was such a special and precious moment granted to her for the last time to be with him. Later on, her brother in-law came and joined in the final moment before the hospital took his body away.

At that particular moment in the hospital, the clock showed that it was around 3:00 p.m. My sister prayed the Divine Mercy prayer alone. I recalled at that particular hour as I was told by my mom that she was praying the Divine Mercy prayer with my other sister and brother at home. It was in the middle of their prayer that they received a call about his passing away. In their shocks they said the prayer even harder for his soul.

Eddmon’s body was brought to the hospital mortuary.  That was the last gaze of my sister of him. Everything went so fast within an hour.

My sister received the medical check-up result that Eddmon had been Covid negative. However the second result which took three days to process in Kota Kinabalu was found to be positive. 

Flashing back on January 26, 2022, the Covid third dose or booster had been scheduled to be held at Eddmon's workplace. Everyone at his work was obliged to get it and so was he. The day of his passing marks exactly two months after he received the Covid booster. On that day our family members accepted with profound sadness that the viewing of his body was not allowed.

According to Eddmon’s friends, he observed the SOP very carefully. He always wore his mask and stayed clean while at work.  My sister also explained that he was careful with his food.  She had never seen him really sick but just having some fatigue as a result of working overtime — getting out of the house around 4:30 a.m. and coming back home around 8:00 p.m.

The youngest daughter is only six years old. Her reaction was unimaginable.

She told a little child while shopping with my sister at a toy store, “That’s my mummy. My daddy is not here. My daddy is in heaven.”

Family members and other attendees gathered at the Beaufort Hospital around  9a.m. for prayer and blessing by the parish priest. After the prayer at around 11a.m., they proceeded to Punson Village, Kinarut with adherence to the Covid SOP. Eddmon was laid to rest in our village in Punson, Kinarut, Sabah, on March 31, 2022, next to my dad's.

Eddmon had been a musician (a guitarist and keyboard player) for almost three decades, playing both for the local Church and mainstream functions. He also made covers of spiritual songs as a hobby. Just before his passing, he managed to finish arranging music for four songs composed by my sister and her twin. Just recently in 2022, he made his last cover of the Malay song ‘Ku Mau Cinta Yesus’ which means 'I Want to Love Jesus'.




Thursday, September 19, 2019

His Moments

(Explained in the context of my faith)

A month of heartbreaking moments for me seeing my dad's deteriorating health and passing away... I never thought that I would be able to endure such tough times, but there I was with my heart torn into pieces seeing his helpless situation and that I was unable to do much than trying my best to comfort him for about ten days. I arrived home in Sabah at midnight on July 19, 2019. The next day in the afternoon I rushed to see him during visiting hour. I held his hand immediately and told him, "Pa, it's me. I'm here." He nodded. Then I said, "We love you, ok. We're always here with you." He nodded. He was already on intubation.

There was a blend of anger, frustration and deep sadness in me as I prayed for his healing and recovery. I wanted him to be healthy and strong again but that was my own wanting. It was challenging for me to look in the perspective of either God or nature. I wanted so much to be a miracle worker, wave a magic wand and make him well again. When I saw a drop of tear come out from the corner of his eye, my heart crumbled like grains of sand. How I wished I could take away his pain. But I could only caress his head and try to comfort him like a baby. Even until now, I still long to touch him, massage his feet and hands, pat gently his head. But things went so fast. On my last day at the Kota Kinabalu HDU Queen Elizabeth Hospital, I barely could utter my prayers, sobbing and trying to overcome the pain in my heart, as I saw him motionless—still, at that particular moment, I didn't have any idea if he was passing away. I whispered words of prayer on his ear—trying to give him comfort and consolation which only The Most High could grant.   

It was hard to be told that our visiting time was over. If I could I would stay by his side but we (my mom and I) were told to come back later.  About half an hour when we were about to go for our lunch, we were called by the doctors who told us they were doing the CPR on my dad. When we went inside, the doctors and nurses were standing in silence by his bed. The doctor in charge on that day pointed us to my dad's body. He was pronounced officially with no more heartbeat around 02:58p.m. on July 30 which was on Tuesday. The ventilator on his bedside displayed horizontal flat lines. He went to the Lord during the hour of grace in which the Divine Mercy devotion was being prayed around the globe.  I called him, "Paa...." and fell in the arms of the doctor who slowly lifted me up. I went to his bedside and cried for as long as I wanted. It was probably fifteen minutes.  Mom was stronger. She put her handkerchief on her face and sobbed quietly. As I was crying and sobbing I looked up above his lifeless body and said, "Pa, just go and follow the light. Go to Jesus." I tried to smile trusting that he was looking at me. I looked down and saw the last imprint of his face. He looked calm with a little curve of smile on his lips.

For two years he had shown great effort abstaining from all that could put more harm to his body. I noticed he spent more time in quiet personal prayers in his room. When later he felt hard to breathe whenever he moved a lot, as he described it to me on the phone, it was like preparing both of us for the next unwanted thing to happen. On that particular day when he went to the hospital in Kinarut, no one and not even him would have expected that it was his last steps walking out from our family house, the only home that he would want to be here on earth. It was amazing though to be told by my sister that he dreamt of seeing a big house, a mansion while he was admitted in the hospital. Somehow she said she knew his time was near. He said that if departing from this world won't happen today, it's going to happen tomorrow. He said whether he could get well again or not, both would be fine.

Knowing both the physical and spiritual symptoms of his condition, there was nothing more important to do than calling for a priest to anoint him or give him the Last Sacrament. We didn't really know what to expect but he had received the anointing three times from three different Catholic priests. Consuming the Sacred Host was his last piece of food before being put into intubation.

Meditating on his lifeless body, I thought of his passing as an imitation of Christ. It was like a cross, tied on a bed where he breathed his last.  His body was complete except for several tubes poked through his lungs and kidney for  'cleaning' purposes. 


My last picture of him before returning to the US sometime in January 2018, he was sitting at the veranda outside the house, eating an ear of corn which I got from the tamu swap meet and boiled at home. He seemed so relaxed and was looking around the trees he planted. As I walk on my days without his presence, I pray that his spirit is free, just as free as he was on that day, and even more with no more physical pain and suffering, looking down from above watching over us. I look forward so much to be reunited with him one day as I see him in my prayers and converse with him in spirit. 

Occasionally I screamed in my heart calling him out but I saw his gloomy face.  He was torn too. It seemed like he didn't want me to call him that way.  Often he would tell me,  "Don't cry.  I'm fine here. Take good care of yourself. Your battle on earth, you have to finish that.  Don't ask where I am. One day you'll understand. I don't need anything but your prayers.  I'll be always there for you and you're not by yourself.  You can find me in your prayers.  Now we can talk with each other directly from heart to heart ..." It consoles so much to be able to listen to him.


Those were his moments with God. I can't take away those despairing moments from him. Those were special between them. I could only be there to remain by his side. I realize I wasn't the most important person on his final moments, not even the doctors, nurses and medical assistants but God Himself. It reminds me that one day I will have to face such moments too. I realize that this is what my father is telling me in my prayer that I have to finish my race here on earth and be courageous like him at my own last days and hours. Does it really matter what type of sickness do we have when in the end it's all about leaving and beginning ... 

My dad has crossed to the other side of life.  The rest of us are still here waiting to cross. I learn to surrender my days and not be alarmed when the time comes. When it comes,  Heaven will give me and us the grace to be able to embrace the last moment of our very own life here on earth. 

It's not about him now.  But it's about me and us to prepare ourselves well, be ready to journey through the other side of life.  How I miss him so much.  I pray that he'll be there to welcome me when my time comes.  

Fabian M. L.
1943-2019

Friday, April 12, 2013

Our Hearts Together

8th - 12th April 2013

Today is our 5th wedding anniversary. We had survived the ups and downs. It's good to have each other up till now. Our vows are sealed by the altar and it assures us of our next journey ...



The Lasso that binds us together


Monday, March 25, 2013

Turning Trouble Into A Fine Day

 25th March 2013 - Monday

Unexpected bulldozer came to clear the river which has caused the trouble 



Accompanying my dad to fix the hose for groundwater supply ... turning it into a small picnic.



 With our watchdog Thursday





Thursday, January 31, 2013

The Gift Of Families

Treasuring the gift of families in my life ... having a family lunch out with Ivan and family.


A cute candy souvenir from a mexican restaurant


Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Loving Him

After a 9 hour flight, I finally arrived in LA safe and sound. Wasn't aware when it departed and landed as I was too sleepy. I slept throughout the journey except for meal time, when they turned on the light. When I arrived home, it was still the same day as yesterday in Tokyo. 

I like the time gap as if I'm given a time rebate. 

Glad to be back home and be with Ivan whose birthday is today. He deserves good surprises for all his patience and support. I'm feeling so lucky to have him as a life partner. Wish I could give him more ... 



Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Trip to Ranau

28 December 2012   Friday

Was a busy day preparing for our journey tomorrow to Ranau ... passing by Mt. Kinabalu for my sister's wedding celebration, on the bridegroom's side. 



29 December 2012   Saturday

Nice views by the wedding venue in Ranau ...

Durian orchard



  




 
Mountain view





 Nature lovers ... me and cousin Dith


Tuesday, December 25, 2012

It's Christmas Day

Having lasagna, roasted chicken, spaghetti bolognese and fruit salad for dinner prepared by a western food chef in the family on Christmas at home ...









Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Eve

Celebrating Christmas Eve in church and at home with family ... 





Saturday, December 22, 2012

Friday, December 21, 2012

Set for Christmas

Taking time to put on Christmas decoration inside the house ... especially the Crib.




Thursday, December 20, 2012

Sending Greetings Traditional Way

Taking time to send Christmas cards to family members, relatives and friends ...


Sunday, November 25, 2012

Our Marriage

Treasuring my marriage with Ivan ... more than 4 years ago ...





Saturday, November 24, 2012

My Sis' Wedding

Today is my youngest sister's wedding. Glad I'm here for her ... wishing Ivan is here.



Lunch reception at Sacred Heart Cathedral hall


Dinner reception at Horizon Hotel


Friday, November 23, 2012

Thanksgiving

Thinking of Ivan and family on thanksgiving day. We could only wish each other on the phone and anticipate our future reunions.

Some special drinks on Thanksgiving Day last year ...

Non alcoholic Martinelli's


Marques Del Valle and Vilis Vera


Remembering turkey ...


Me & Ivan on Thanksgiving Day 2 years ago ...