The
best thing to do when you’re encountering crossroads, is to remain where you
are. Then wait until you’re fully informed and ready for the next move.
This
crossroads encounter has been going on in the middle of finalizing my composed
songs. I was all set when some interesting ideas crept into my mind. I wasn’t
really sure if my need to be in a new environment was actually to embark in another
adventure.
Is
moving to another state good for our future? It appears quite fascinating to be
informed about the possibility of some good opportunities. Still it can be
scary to live in a place where you have to start all over again — getting to know new people,
making new friends, adapting with the weather and kind of lifestyle. I haven’t
even completely learned how to adjust myself here. I find myself still
depending so much on others. Perhaps this is why my inner self tends to claim
that sense of independence — as I used to be.
Probably staying means I’ll be
stagnant and stuck with my daily routines. I wonder if there’s space to
grow. Going means freedom to explore but
not without challenges to face — perhaps rougher ones. Fortunately I have ample
of time to think and ponder. There’s no rush for the moment.
My desire
to study more than a decade ago had acquired me two bachelor degrees each in
language and art. I had years invested in studies and I thought that was it. I
wanted to focus on something else more rewarding — something for me to give
back to society. So, I now use a lot of my time for studying on my own. However
that desire to learn in a tangible way crept into my heart. I picture all the
years ahead that I will go through — God willing. I envision all the days,
weeks, months and years spent in studies, working and contributing to society.
For sure there will be no regret at all. The only
thing that I worry about being too studious is the growing of more white hairs — more
than I worry about the fees. Studying on my own is fun and free.
Going to college will put myself under strict self-discipline but later will
acquire me official transcripts to prove that I’m ‘somebody’. Either way, I
still have time to think and ponder. There’s no rush for the moment.
As
I was pondering to further my studies, I became overwhelmed with the types of
courses being offered. I have always been fascinated with fashion and fairies. For
a moment, I was thinking of pursuing my studies in fashion. Though I’ve already
acquired a Bachelor Degree in Fashion Design, I wasn’t impressed with the
result. But when I think about it, at least I had the experience and I just
have to polish my performance in that field of art. Having this idea in mind, I
intend to consider going back to fashion in my own creative way — within
my own space and time.
I’m giving a serious thought about this and quite excited about it.
It’s
always good to ask someone for an opinion though we’re not obliged to follow
it. I asked Ivan if I should go back to college and what type of course should
I take. I used to ask him if I should go for baking course. He didn’t have any
objection. I pictured those cute cupcakes in a bakery shop. It looked so fun.
Then, I started to go through the process of opening the shop. When everything
was on paper, I found myself being overwhelmed by all the procedures and
responsibilities including some risks to face. What started from a simple idea
became a huge and complicated matter. After all the research and studies that
I’ve done, I finally came to the conclusion that, it wasn’t what I wanted. I
was just interested in seeing those colorful cakes because I love colors and
they look tasty. Somehow, it didn’t end just like that. I sort of enjoy being
able to indulge in baking cakes for our family members every birthday occasion.
I enjoyed decorating the cakes and seeing the smiles on their faces.
I
asked Ivan again of what type of course I should take. As usual he would always
say, “Whatever you want.” But this time I was quite persistent, asking for the
truth of his opinion. Then, he said with his eyes glittering — as I saw
them, “Take music.” That’s it. I like the truth of such
opinion. That was exactly what I wanted — I’ve been
making my songs, singing and practicing my music all these while. Why should I
ignore the opportunity to learn the skill from a prestigious college —
just a few minutes away from home?
Now
that I can see where I should be heading to, it helps me to prepare myself in
many areas — where and how to get the financial, material and
moral support I need. There’s always a warming up in
everything before getting started. This is another adventure, hopefully to be
in a new environment where things can be more exciting and interesting. However,
it isn’t enough to be just becoming very enthusiastic about something new and
being unable to calm down. I believe
that I have to bring any matter in life — a decision making in particular
— into contemplation. Again, I don’t
have to rush — instead I need to be able to sit still and let myself be guided in my discernment — then be ready for the next move.
